Sexuality and Culture
Hey Friends!
Welcome back to my summer series on sexuality.
Let’s call it what it is - we live in a cruel, confusing culture.
Our kids are growing up trying to fit into a social expectation that does nothing but contradict itself. A world that scolds us when we’re too insecure, but also when we’re too confident. Too curvy, or not curvy enough. Too shy, or too bold. Too sexy. Not sexy enough…
It’s scary to think of all the things our kids absorb with their ever-changing beautiful bodies and minds, let alone hold onto all in the name of external validation. And of course, the outside world is something we can’t control.
Which is why it’s HUGELY important to create a safe space for our children at home. A place where they feel fully valued for exactly who they are at any moment in time.
Of course, we all know this already.
But have you considered intentionally including sex-positive messaging in that safe space?
I’m not talking about teaching your kids all about the reproductive system and where babies come from, although that is hugely important.
I’m talking about boldly having real, vulnerable, and shame-free conversations about all things sexual: Consent, body safety, sexual orientation, gender fluidity, oral, anal, same sex, fingering, masturbation, hand jobs, porn, nude pics, body diversity… and above all, pleasure. This list could go on and on. (And of course their are different topics for different ages, but you get my point.)
Are you uncomfortable seeing those words written down? You can thank your own cultural conditioning for that.
I encourage you to stop that cycle. Say these words out loud like they’re not dirty, because they’re not. Share the meanings of these words with your kids, the same way you would if you were talking about any other topic. Because let’s face it - if they don’t hear it from us, they will hear it from someone else in a much more charged way.
Educate yourself on inclusive language. Language that acknowledges diversity, conveys respect to all people, is sensitive to differences, and promotes equal opportunities. Put aside your assumptions and get curious instead. Don’t assume your child is interested in the opposite sex, because let’s be honest… our kids will school us in a hot minute. In fact, don’t assume anything!
Here are some of my favorite links to stay in the know.
So, why is all of this so important?
Because “sheltering” our kids from these conversations isn’t serving them at all. Instead, it’s teaching them to not come to us with questions and curiosities around sex. It’s reinforcing what the outside world is already showing them. Too sexy. Too curious. Too dirty. Too scared…
We don’t want that. Instead, we want our kids to continue trusting us. To always know they can come to us about anything sex-related without shame or criticism.
And I assure you, talking about sexuality in your home will NOT make your kids want to engage in early sexual behavior. Trust me. In fact, we continually find the opposite to be true. Kids who are better informed and empowered on this topic are more likely to be mindful and responsible with their sexual encounters.
Informed kids grow up to be confident and prepared adults. The end.
Of course, that’s all nice in theory, but how can we start practicing this sex-positive messaging? In my next newsletter, I’ll delve into the details on this. For the time being, let the idea of this sink in a bit. Practice saying the uncomfortable words in the mirror. Ask yourself how it feels to you and try really hard to let go of your own judgements around it all.
