How to be the "cool" parent....
Hello Friends!
How to be the “cool” parent. Let’s talk about it.
We all want to stay relevant and “cool” in our children’s eyes. Of course we do. When are kids are little, we’re the coolest person in the world to them. They want us to hug them in public, and to hang out with them all the time. Some of us might still feel like our kiddo is a shadow. It’s quite a shock when that starts shifting as they get older, isn’t it?
I can clearly remember the “cool mom” in my teenage friend group growing up. The one who let us drink at her house. The one with great style, who was always right there to spill all her latest gossip. I won’t lie - we definitely all thought she was pretty cool.
But, when her daughter had problems and needed a soft place to land, guess what? She didn’t go to her own mom for comfort. Instead, she found a different mom in our friend group to confide in. A woman who wasn’t as “cool” by teenage standards, but was still extremely open-minded and kind. A mom who held clear boundaries with all of us. Who wasn't afraid to put us in our place if needed, but then quickly followed up with a hug. She didn’t try to be a teen like one of us, but instead stood firmly with open-arms as a supportive adult.
Fast-forward to now. There are plenty of moments when we’re each tempted to try on the “cool” parent hat, myself included. When those times come, remember this mantra:
Be the adult. Be the place where they can land.
Even though they don’t outright say it, our tweens and teens are craving steady, loving, confident adults in their lives. They want to know that someone else is in charge as they’re busy discovering themselves. They feel enormous comfort in knowing that firm boundaries are in place to help keep them grounded in their otherwise unstable realities.
They don’t need a mom who tries to act like them, knows all the latest gossip, or has a fridge full of booze (although a fridge full of food is a great way to get them to hang out at your house!) What they do need is a parent who looks them in the eyes and communicates in a thoughtful and authentic way. A parent who owns her mistakes and holds true to her words. A parent who holds boundaries and trusts them enough to respect those boundaries.
When you act like the adult that you are, you’re showing your kids what it means to be comfortable in their own skin, instead of trying to be something they’re not. You’re teaching them what it feels like to be a grounded, brave, curious human who’s learning every day how to be truly “themselves.” And in doing that, you’re giving them a safe place to land and to practice doing the same. Which, in my personal opinion, is the coolest thing a parent can offer their kids.
So, I’ll say it again: Be the adult. Be the place where they can land.
We explore all of this and much more in my workshops. Specifically how to identify and tend to yourself when you aren’t in the adult mindset. I know, it’s not always easy. Not by a long shot. But, if you can continue to be open-minded and intentional in your own learning, you become the place where they learn how to stay connected to themselves. And in these powerful and crucial moments, I promise you amazing things will happen in your relationship with your child.
GREAT NEWS! I’ve changed the structure of my workshops to make them more accessible. You can now sign up for a ONE-DAY, in-person workshop!
Out of towners…my workshops are offered on Fridays, so make it a weekend adventure to Boulder, CO. And I just lowered the price so check it out!
MORE GREAT NEWS!
I’ve also added some DEEP DIVES. These 2-hour virtual workshops are for moms of daughters ages 11+. In these sessions, we will uncover current topics such as sexuality, conscious listening, and what’s behind the emotions of your rebellious teenager. Handpick the ones that resonate with you!
PS: I have a few Parent Coaching slots open so feel free to schedule a free info call.
