Transforming Fear to Courage
Hello My Friends…
Fear.
A totally normal emotion that comes when you have something to lose.
And let’s face it - as parents who love our kiddos more than life itself, we have a lot to lose.
But, if fear is a normal emotion, then why does it sometimes feel like it’s completely overtaking us? What can we do when our fear stresses us out so much it starts to direct our parenting and block the connections we have with our own children?
Letting it take over us doesn’t do us much good. But avoiding it or trying to pretend it doesn’t exist certainly doesn’t get us anywhere either.
Pema Chodren, one of my favorite teachers, believes that we must face our fears. And not just face them, but face them with a smile. To be curious and courageous about them instead of afraid of them. She goes so far as to encourage us to sit down and befriend that very normal emotion that isn’t going to just disappear anytime soon.
And so, I invite you to do just that. Take a minute to pour yourself a cup of tea and pull out a notebook or piece of paper.
Draw a line down the middle of the page, and on one side write all the current fears you have about your kids. Big and small, realistic and seemingly ridiculous. Just keep writing.
When you’re done, say each of those fears aloud to let them sink in. Let your body experience these unwanted emotions and notice the sensations that arise. We’re not trying to avoid discomfort here. We’re acknowledging it in order to not be led by it. We’re inviting fear to sit down next to us instead of overtaking us.
Then, on the other side of the page, I want you to focus on all the potential you see in your kids. Jot down their strengths, their capacity, and their wisdom. Record the incredible things about them they can’t even quite see for themselves yet.
Now say each of those things aloud and feel them in your body as well. Because when we acknowledge what our children are capable of, we begin to feel trust-forward instead of fear-forward.
And that’s exactly what our kids need from us, now more than ever. They need to feel our belief in them. This simple practice of sitting with our fears will give us stronger clarity and self-confidence in our parenting, even through all those uncertain times - which are many. And because of that, we’ll be better able to hold our children in their own strengths - which are also many.
