How to Stay Connected to Your Tween (Even When They Pull Away)

Remember when you were a new parent and strangers would say, “Enjoy it, it all goes by so fast” while you were in Target with spit-up on your shoulder, a crying baby in your arms, and a toddler who just had an accident hanging off your leg like their life depended on it. Back then, the days could feel endless.

Now here you are, raising a preteen or teen. The days can still feel long, but the years are somehow flying.

One moment you're navigating the nine-year transition, and then you blink, and they’re off to college. Gulp. I felt that in my throat just typing it.

If you’ve been wondering, “How do I stay close to my kid when everything is changing so fast?” you’re not alone. And while we can’t slow time, we can reclaim a sense of calm, purpose, and connection through one simple and often overlooked tool:

Intentional Attention

Intentional Attention happens when we’re mindful in noticing the small things, asking curious (not loaded) questions, and creating tiny daily rituals (for yourself and for the relationship). These things can build a powerful thread of connection strong enough to survive even the most turbulent years.

We hear words like “presence and intention” all the time, but what do those terms actually mean in a real world situation with preteens and teens? Do we have the tools to understand how accessible those things can be for us? I assure you that each one of us is capable of it with a little guidance.

To be clear, this is NOT “perfect parenting.”

It’s not about always having the right answer, or always being super articulate with your words, or easy breezy with your actions. Independent of anything else, grounded Intentional Attention happens when your child feels you say, “I’m here, I see you, and I’m not going anywhere.

When we choose to show up with curiosity and confidence instead of control and fear, we build the kind of trust that outlasts mood swings, slammed doors, and awkward silences. It’s not about fixing everything for them, it’s about being someone our kids can count on as they find their own ways and tools to fix things for themselves.

If this is resonating with you, and if you’re wanting to do some self exploration on how to be more present with your teen, my workshops are a powerful way to do just that.

My next Mom Magic (meant for moms of 9-11-year olds) starts October 15th. Or, check out my other offerings below.