It's The Little Things

Hello Friends…

I am having a truly special moment right now, fully trusting myself and my children’s journey. And I figured, what better time to open my laptop and write. But first, let me explain how I get here.

Spring Break… Ahh! So exciting, with so many hopes and plans for connection (aka: expectations). I always imagine all these beautiful moments of quality time with my family (aka: idealistic thoughts), where we spend the whole week relaxing together (aka: wait… but I'm still parenting so… is this really relaxing?)

Of course, it doesn't take long before the reality sets in for many of us -whether you are traveling somewhere amazing, having a staycation, visiting family, or still working and scrambling for childcare or camp. Or, maybe like me, you thought a road trip was a good idea (aka: what was I thinking??)

The long road trip started out with the ever-wonderful negotiation of screen time. How I always wish they would actually want to just drop into some meaningful conversation while taking in the beautiful scenery. Ha! Then comes the heartbreaking reminder of what always follows after having so much time staring at a screen. When we finally arrived at the ski resort, we were met with the discovery that there would be no new snow coming while we were there (deep sigh).

The cherry on top came when I realized that the injury I have been nursing all winter long was still hurting, and my body was really not ready to snowboard (deep sigh x2). Peppered in were the little jabs between the kids, my hubby's firm attachment to an agenda while the girls just wanted to sleep in, and the constant requests for Starbucks even though we try to support local coffee shops. The list goes on and on.

Now, just to be clear, I fully recognize that these are little hiccups in the big picture. Everyone was healthy and there were plenty of laughs and good convos. And the fact that we go on ski trips at all is a blessing in itself. But, as we all know, when you're in it, you're in it.  

The shift came on day two when I turned to my hubby in bed and said, “Maybe road trips aren’t the best use of our time and money anymore.” Then, we laid side by side for a while giggling and complaining about our daughters’ unbelievably typical teenage behavior. While that admittedly offered a moment of humor and connection for my husband and I, it actually fed those negative spiraling and looping thoughts that we can often feel as parents. I could even almost pinpoint the moment our brains slipped into catastrophic thinking. And then we both just felt…blah, frozen, powerless, you name it.

We had a choice.

I had just been reading the book The Gap and The Gain, where author Dan Sullivan invites us to name three wins at the end of each day. This wonderful habit helps us focus on the moments of success in our days rather than fixating on the tricky ones. This is not a new concept by any means, but personally, it's one I’ve easily forgotten time and time again. But, what better time to try out some new strategies for the brain than when you're raising preteens and teens? I suggested to my husband that we try it out right then and there with our daughters. I mean, what did we have to lose?

As we opened their shared bedroom door, we were hit with the undeniable teenage girl scent- a mix of multiple skin care products. I put on my biggest, toothiest smile and invited our girls to share three things that made them feel good that day. I reminded all of us that wins come in all shapes and sizes, and that anything you feel good about counts.

Wow. It was magical.

That simple practice instantly shifted all of our mind sets, just like that. I was actually blown away by their insights about the importance of the little things, as well as the importance of feeling proud of yourself. This sweet moment felt reminiscent of earlier days, when we would share our “highs &lows” or “rose, bud, & thorns” at dinner together. Only this time, it had a different affect. This time, it actually left everyone feeling a little bit more confident because it brought our awareness back to what we think about, and not what someone else is thinking, what is expected of us, or what is out of our control. What a gift.  

And that’s when it hit me (again…) Adolescence is full of waves of insecurity. Not only for them, but also for us as parents. Sometimes, I lay in bed and find myself over-identifying with their pain and choices. I feel their worries and wonder if I’m raising them right. I find myself comparing them to an ideal, and fear I'm not teaching them enough about how to be a successful adult. I watch my sweet husband flounder over his words when he gets triggered by the mindset and external validation that this generation values. I watch him projecting his fear onto them. He shares that he has no idea what he’s doing and how powerless that can make him feel. Then my mind goes to the fears and uncertainties around their future, and I feel my eyes filling up with tears. And yes, it’s important to touch that fear, but getting stuck there can feel pretty damn…well, sticky.

What a ride it is to be a parent in 2025.

I’m sharing all of this simply to emphasis just how amazing it feels to name those wins instead. In that moment, it noticeably created flow and energy, and forced us all to look at what’s right in front of us. It woke up the gratitude brain.

So, as I said at the start, I'm currently having a  moment of trust. Not trust that from now on I am going to have easy and perfect school breaks (it’s safe to say that doesn’t exist), but instead, I feel trust that I have the capacity to shift the way in which I see my kids and myself. Trust that my kids are going to be okay (that’s a big one, because when I believe that, they believe that about themselves). But mostly, I feel trust that the uncomfortable moments are temporary, and that I have the power to shift things and hold space for them to shift things as well.

Thanks for letting me share that win in my day with you. I would love to hear what you're experiencing as a parent today, and to celebrate you in that! Please reach out and let me know!

PS: I am currently accepting now clients who are seeking guidance and support through therapeutic parent coaching. Click here to connect.