You may be more connected than you think

Connection. A big word that can bring up all sorts of emotions and images in our minds. We all want and need connection, and because of that we can tend to romanticize what it “should" look like.

Maybe we compare ourselves to that perfect image on social medial of a family holding hands and frolicking through sunflowers wearing matching clothes. They must be more connected than us.

Or maybe we compare ourselves to our friend whose kids tell them everything while ours can’t even squeak out a “hello” after school. They must be more connected than us.

Well, I’m here to bust those myths.

The truth is, connection can show up in a million and one different ways and is most certainly not a one-size fits all type of thing. And here’s the biggest assurance: oftentimes, it comes without any flashiness or showiness at all. Connection comes in the quiet, unspoken understandings peppered throughout your day. A quick eye contact moment across the room to let your kid know you’re there for them. Knowing when your child needs a bit of space just by reading their body language, and honoring that… 

In short, connection happens when we feel seen, heard, and valued by another person. It really is as simple as that. And here’s the secret pathway to building that connection:

ATTUNEMENT

Picture an orchestra concert. If even one instrument is out of tune or rhythm with the others, it sounds terrible. But, when the players listen to each other and adjust their own sound to attune with the whole group, it’s magical. It’s the same idea with parenting and relationships.

Attunement happens when we really try to see and hear someone else fully. When we get truly curious about their inner world. What lights them up? What are their likes and dislikes? What energetic cues do they give when they're feeling overwhelmed or tired? When we can find that sweet spot of approaching someone with this depth of curiosity and no agenda of our own, that orchestral magic happens.

Now, I know this is so much easier said than done. It’s difficult to not get caught up in our own ideas -especially as it relates to our kids, but you’ll find that a little practice can go a really long way. 

And so, I encourage you to practice attunement with your kids this next week. Make a conscious choice to engage with your child WITHOUT AN AGENDA. Ground yourself before a conversation by feeling your feet on the earth and letting your breathing slow down. Open your ears in a new way and lean in. I know I’m being a bit expressive in my description here, but it doesn't need to be a big thing. Just subtly tune in, in your own way.

This practice in connection will help your kiddo feel valued and seen in a very real way. They’ll feel more resilient, more confident, more open, and more relevant. And isn’t that exactly what we want for them? As an added bonus, this practice in attunement will actually also help YOU recalibrate your nervous system. It’s a total win-win. 

As a gentle reminder as it relates to connecting with children: you’re attuning to them, not expecting it to be the other way around. You’re the adult and they get to be the kid. And a loving note: even with years of practice, you can’t expect to be attuned to someone all the time, so pick your moments and just see what happens!

All 2024 offerings will be posted soon. Stay tuned! (Pun intended…)

PS: I have a few Parent Support slots open so feel free to schedule a free info call.